Dating Jewish Girls: Tips & Advice

Looking for tips on dating Jewish girls? You’ve come to the right place.

Before I start, let me first tell you that the advice you’re gonna get on this page is from an actual Jewish guy who has dated numerous Jewish girls (not too many but enough to have something to say ;-D). So you’re getting this from as close to the “horse’s mouth” as you can get.

At the same time, I have to admit that I have not dated Israeli girls, I have only dated Jewish girls living in the Diaspora (i.e. outside of Israel). I DO have a bunch of Israeli friends though (both guys and girls), and so I have a very good idea of what they are like. Israeli girls are more direct and straightforward than other Jewish girls (and maybe a little more mature and grounded). Other Jewish girls may hide what they are thinking a bit more. My advice and tips below apply to both Israeli girls and non-Israeli Jewish girls.

With that said, I’m going to provide 1) tips on finding and meeting Jewish girls (which you can then date) and then 2) actual dating and relationship tips.

1) Finding and Meeting Jewish Girls

If you live in Israel you can find and meet Jewish girls pretty much anywhere. If you live outside Israel you have to search a lot more as Jews are obviously much less common. Here are two of the best ways to meet Jewish girls when living outside Israel:

i. Online Dating

You can definitely meet Jewish girls online (actually you can meet Israeli girls online too). There are two main options here for online dating sites. The first option is getting yourself on a Jewish-only dating site. The advantage of a site like this is that (almost) every member is Jewish, and they allow you to see more detailed Jewish info, such as what type of Judaism they practice (Reform, Conservative, Traditional, Orthodox, etc.), whether your potential match keeps kosher, how often they go to shul, etc.

Jewish-only Dating Sites

Probably the most popular of these sites is JDate.com, which has thousands and thousands of members. And that is what makes JDate a great site – you can browse and find many Jewish girls there from across the country and even halfway around the world! The downside to JDate is that it is a membership-based site, and the membership runs at $20-40 per month (depending on whether you purchase a shorter or longer period of months). You can create a profile on JDate for free, but you cannot message anyone until you get a paid membership. Also if someone who has a paid membership messages you, you are notified about that but cannot read that email (you have to pay for a membership first to read the email itself). The only way you can chat with a paid member when you have a free membership is if they IM (Instant Message) you while you are actually on the site, which can sometimes happen but usually not too often. Another Jewish dating site I used was Supertova.com, which is completely free. There are much less members there than on JDate, but it is well built and easy to use. You can message anyone you want and read anyone’s messages on this site.

General Dating Sites

There are also a number of dating sites around which are not specifically for Jews but that have many Jews on them (you can see who is Jewish in their profile).

The one that I used was OKCupid, which I found pretty good. A hallmark of this site is their dating questions, where they ask questions of each member on many topics, from “How much can intelligence turn you on?” to “Do you believe contraception is morally wrong?” As you can imagine these questions and the answers provided by each member can show you quite a lot about the person before you even contact them, which is great! Another advantage is that they also give you a better idea of what members of the opposite sex in your area are like, what their interests are and what they are looking for in their partner from someone like you! Very useful info.

I’ve also heard of a number of other good dating sites from friends (I have not used them myself) and in the media, such as eHarmony, Plenty of Fish and Match.com. Some require memberships, many have free trials you can make use of to see what the site is like.

Here are some tips regarding online dating in general:

a.  Make sure your profile pictures look great! If possible, get a pro photographer to shoot some great headshots of you and use some of these for your profile. You do want to look as attractive as possible, right? (The answer to this is an emphatic “yes!”) Mix in a couple of your own shots with the pro shots and voila – you will have a great looking profile. Also don’t be afraid to write about what makes you unique and cool in your profile. You’re awesome, but no one on the site will know about this unless you tell them! So tell them!

b. Don’t be afraid to send lots of messages out. Remember, you’re not the only guy (or girl) trying to find a partner, so you got to get yourself out there in a big way! It’s a numbers game, and the more you outflow, the more attention you will attract (the more people will view your profile) and the more contacts you will make and dates you will be able to set up.

c. Don’t worry if someone doesn’t respond. If they don’t respond, just move on. There could be a million reasons they didn’t respond, many of which have nothing to do with your looks or profile. Oftentimes people have started a relationship with someone and just forgot to remove their profiles from the dating site. Other times they may have some life event happening at that exact moment in their life which puts them off dating at all, such as an exam, a busy period at work, a vacation, etc.

d. Don’t get too fixed on any one prospect. There are many out there. You will find someone. Just start communicating and you will eventually find someone you really click with.

ii. Jewish Social Events

Jewish social events are a great way to meet Jewish girls! Examples of events like this are group Shabbat dinners, events celebrating the various Jewish holidays and parties (Purim and Chanukkah parties are usually great). To find Jewish social events, first make sure you are part of or in some way connected to Jewish groups (sounds obvious but some people forget this step).

Examples of Jewish groups are Aish Hatorah (Orthodox group), Moishe House (generally Conservative, but Jews of all backgrounds welcome) and Hillel (Jewish college-level group). If you don’t know any Jewish groups in your area, you either are not involved at all in Judaism (and need to get involved) or there are basically no other Jews in your area (in this case you should move to where there are Jews or do the 1st option above – online dating).

Sometimes Jewish groups also organize specific Jewish singles events. Sometimes this can be after a shul service (a casual young professionals area) or an event on its own at a club or bar. Another idea is even to go on a Jewish singles trip (yes, these exist!). In this case you go away on vacation with a bunch of other single Jews – pretty cool right?

A final note is that I have personally always had more success with girls when I have met them in person first – not with online dating. In my case it just seemed to always work out better. So of the two options above, I would recommend to do both but give extra priority to meeting Jewish girls in person at social events. So what are you waiting for - start your mingling! :-b

2) Dating Jewish Girls & Relationships

In my opinion there are only a few things that are key in dating Jewish girls. The first is to know what they are looking for in a guy (very important). The second is a good balance of communication. The third is a balance of give and take in the relationship. And the fourth is moving forward and making a commitment.

i. So, what are Jewish girls looking for in a guy?

a.         Most Jewish girls are looking for a real connection and a long-term relationship. Most are not looking for one-night stands. So if you are looking for this, you may struggle to find a match. What’s the point of a one-night stand anyway? It only lasts one night. Aim for a real relationship.

b.       Along with this, Jewish girls are looking at marriage and children down the line. As such, they are looking for a guy that will be stable in terms of a relationship (good communication and does not get angry or upset easily) and shares similar values. 

If you are not sure if you can be a stable person in a relationship then you obviously need to work on yourself first and get yourself in the best mental/spiritual shape possible. You should be in the position where you can easily give of yourself to another person and do not commonly harbor feelings of resentment, anger, anxiety, etc. You should generally be treating others well and not be afraid that you might hurt another person. You should be upbeat and confident in yourself and happy with your life and wanting to share it with another and support another person mentally, spiritually and romantically.

c.      Jewish girls want a guy who is stable financially. That doesn’t mean you need to be rich, but you do need to be pursuing a career or building a business or have some stable form of income or at least some plan. The only exception to this are more artistic or free-thinking Jewish girls who may value this less and value the independence and free-thinking-ness aspect more. But generally most Jewish girls are practical and realistic and if you are not being practical and realistic and don’t even have a job or a plan to get one, then they will run from you! Also along with the above, they generally want a guy who is well educated, as well-educated individuals have a greater chance of making good money and being successful.

d.     Jewish girls want a guy who will be their best friend. Someone they can rely on and really talk to. Aim to get to know a girl when dating and be that best friend (this will build attraction that will last). Be a good communicator – that means not just a good talker but also a good listener.

e.       Jewish girls, like most girls, want a guy with a good sense of humor and good intelligence.

f.     Like most girls, they would prefer to be with someone who has similar interests (not the exact same but similar).

g.    They want a guy who they do not find unattractive. In other words, physical attraction is somewhat important but not as important to girls (generally) as to guys. Girls value other non-physical things more than guys. But good looks won’t hurt. That means if you need to hit the gym a bit, do so.

h.  A comparable level of Jewish observance.

By the way, the above list is in no particular order of importance. And note that some Jewish girls will find one point or a few points above more important than others...

Bonus factors for Jewish girls (for any girls really):

•  If you help others, it’s a bonus attraction factor for the girl. For example, you are pursuing a career as a doctor or counselor or you do volunteer work.
•  If you take a leadership position it’s also a bonus factor. For example you help run a Jewish group that they’re part of.
• Chivalry. That means you do romantic things such as buy a girl flowers or just open the door for her. Girls love chivalry. Jewish girls too. It shows care.
• You are creative and/or artistic in some way.
• You can play a musical instrument.

ii. A Balance of Communication

I mentioned a balance of communication earlier – that this is a key thing in relationships and certainly in relationships with Jewish girls. What am I talking about here? I’m talking about how much and when to communicate at the various stages of the dating process and a general balance in the relationship. If at any point one person is communicating much more than the other, generally things don’t turn out so well.  If one partner talks way more than another it will be a problem. This is the balance of communication.

My general rule for the early stages of dating, which seems to work fairly well, is not to communicate too much. Instead, simply follow the lead of the person you’re interested in. For example, if they take 3 hours to respond to a text message, then you take 3 hours to respond back. Or if they call you the morning after the 1st date, call them the morning after the 2nd date. You see, different people communicate more or less frequently. If you find a big discrepancy in how often you and a potential partner communicate, the relationship probably won’t work. If the communication frequency is fairly similar, that is a very good sign.

Another rule I would follow in the early stages is to wait about 2 days after a date until I made contact again. If the girl contacts you (whether by text or phone or other) before the 2 days, she’s clearly interested in you. But if she doesn’t do this it doesn’t mean she’s not interested. She may just be busy with life! If she doesn’t make that contact in 2 days, then you call her after 2 days. If no response and no call back in a reasonable period of time, she’s probably not interested and you need to move on.

Overall, just try maintain a balance of communication. And if the Jewish girl you’re pursuing talks way more than you, or way less than you, then you probably won’t be a good match!

iii. A Balance of Give and Take

What is give and take? It is simply that. It is giving to another person, which can take many forms. And it is taking from another person, which can also take many forms. Some examples of what can be given (or received) in a relationship are affection, attention, care, romantic evenings, gifts, foot rubs and even sex. And there are many more examples which I am sure you can also think of.

The point is to not let this give and take go out of balance. Girls usually give of themselves quite a lot. Guys can sometimes be guilty of not giving or creating enough in the relationship. So be wary of this and make sure you give enough to the Jewish girl you are dating or are in a relationship with.

iv. Moving Forward and Making a Commitment

Commitment. It's a bigggg word. But actually it's not as big or complicated as it sounds. It is just making a firm decision that you want to be with someone. That's all.

You see, Jewish girls generally have marriage and children in mind. If the relationship is going well, they will probably want things to progress - as it should.

The problem is if you don’t really want the relationship to progress. If this is the case, let your partner know so she can move on. Or if you like a girl and have a fear of getting more serious with her, let them know that you're scared – communicate about this (don’t be afraid of saying so and discussing it). If you have a fear of getting married – which some guys have – communicate about this too. Eventually after talking about it you will find it won’t be as bad.

So do be aware that Jewish girls are looking towards marriage and at some point you should definitely talk about this and see what each other wants and if you have the same goals and future plans in mind. And then, if you really like the girl, tell her so and move the relationship forward...

Hope all that info helps. Thanks for reading! And happy hunting! J

 

Do you have tips on dating Jewish girls? Or guys? Or questions on anything above? Or a dating experience you’d like to share? Let us know below!

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